THE REALM OF SHADOWS - Book project

Introduction

sometimes when we feel lost we search for the answers in others, we spectate them, try to learn to discern the qualities that make them so secure, at place, but mostly we end up getting hurt, we let them suck on our weakness, we present ourselfs as a dessert for such individuals, this book is about searching the answers from within, or at least it's what I want to try to accomplish, you may see me fail.. for the time being let's beggin chapter one

Ch.1 The Dark Room

A chill lightining sensation sparkled through me, I tried to open my eyes but I soon realised I didn't have those so I simply couldn't see anything, as far as feeling; I did feel a lot, like the coldness of the place or the way my body wasn't what It was supposed to be.

See Im a human, but from the moment I got struck by that chilly feeling I didn't resemble one. My body simply was gone I was nothing but a conscience; a swirling shadow floating in the most deep darkness I've ever witnessed. If my thoughts would have been more clear I would probably had let the fear run through me but It was more like a confused state in which I encountered myself.

I could feel my shadow self in constant movement as if I was composed of small breezes in conflict with each other, pulling in and out like in anger or confusion such as mine, I tried to make my mind clear about the situation being displayed by focusing on the sensations, I felt my heart somewhere deep in the dense wind that formed me and I heard the beats drumming rapidly

- oh so I'm partly human after all - said to myself as a mental note 

I decided to move, get used to my newly self and just by concentrating hard my shadows suddenly reacted to my thoughts as if they were commands and rapidly expanded giving me a pair of densly shadowy legs

- nice one- giggled in my mind, and rapidly focus on command the creation a pair of long arms. Quickly the shadows followed, I was there a shadow heart beating human, neither woman nor man, without any given memories of why or how I ended up like this

I decided to walk, I could feel carpeted floor at my feet I was probably at some covered place, the only wind seemed to came from some aperture maybe a closed door from which breeze could pass through

I walked with my hand on front of me so I could touch if anything was on the way, so far the room appeared to be empty; until It wasn't, my right hand met with something, wasn't sure what it was. I followed with my left hand exploring the somewhat cold surface.

I soon realised what It was, an instrument I had barely played before, I didn't know exactly when but I knew the keys there was a familiar touch from them, I let my index finger slide one down with a heavy response the key reticently followed in a surprinsily clear tone. For some reason It made me very happy and I let the joyous feeling take control and started pressing more keys randomly and the more sounds formed more joyfull I felt, sudenly I had the urge to search for a banket, I blindly moved my hands bellow the keyboard and finally I touched the stern bench without any cushion attached just plain wood but enough for a body like mine. I pulled it out and sat and took a deep breath before resting my hands again on the surface of the piano.

I wanted to feel that joy and give it meaning; the desire to hear a true melody was very intense but I wasn't sure how could I do so If I had no knowledge.. I started thinking about the sound and with it notes started to appear in my mind like if they were there all along hidding from me

- Is my mind really of my own? - the idea of the answer being a negative one scared me deeply.

I started to create a short song, enough to satisfy me, recalling each sound first, then the consecuent image formed and so, in no time, I was ready to try it out

- this better work- if not I would probably be crushed in sorrow since the need for the melody was even stronger than the need for an actual body, like a strong hunger that pained the poor wench after an entire day of famine.

Once again I inhaled cautiously and let myself picture the sounds, only this time, my shadow fingers were following and the keys being pressed, they started to display something unusual, in my mind the melody was supposed to be warm, cheerfull even, but the music I was creating didn't sound at all like that, It was trully a musical piece that's for sure but there was something off like a twisted swing to it, something that made the music somewhat depressing, and tears started forming, I felt them collapsing where I was supposed to have eyes, the need to cry and release that sorrow. I pictured myself as a shadow with two eyes formed of black emptiness and suddenly the shadows obeyed and the tears dropped.

I wasn't playing anymore I rose my hand towards my face to the now existing holes that I had for eyes and the tears that were like wind already had evaporated, now I was able to see and with vision came anguist and fear.
It was a quite shocking thing, my former self,  seeing it from a mirror wasn't helping; there was a long golden decorated mirror leaned against the velvet wall and it reflected a very disturbing image. I didn't want fear over run me so I focused my attention at the rest of the room.
Complementing the velvet wall there was a darker shade of velvet for the carpet, close to the mirror I saw a small desk, tide up and clean, the desk was painted in white consecuently it didn't match the rest of the decoration
and made an untasteful contrast 
I gazed at the piano that moments ago had helped me retrieve something lost. I also noted there was a small note laying where the sheet music would have been, It said the following:
"my dearest, today things may seem hard, tomorrow they may seem worse, the day after tomorrow probably you will realise, my dearest, there's not gift in you"
I reacted badly and made a mess off the note and then it slit out of my hand and felt to the floor
- What kind of individual would write a note like that?- a reasurance that the person directed to would be certain of the lack of hope they had placed on his performance... although I could easily picture falling to the expectations if someone had written a supportive letter but after all being a pianist is not exactly what I would call a learned ability, more like an inherent one, that you could master but only those few fortunate persons born with the musical gift could actually rise and shine;with the except of getting some weird familiar feeling and notes flying over your head of course. As a mental conclusion the note was excessive.

Despise feeling an air current coming from the floor of one of the walls there wasn't any visible door. I moved my hand along the surface, trying to discern if there was any protusion or irregular mark, there was nothing.
I emitted a small grunt of discontent and continue looking around. If there wasn't any door how was I supposed to leave this place? maybe someone or something wanted me locked up, I started to feel tension an my shadows swirled more intensly.
I stopped for a second to think - so there's air that means there's an exit somewhere, I just have to think, there's nothing on the walls, but maybe.. - I stopped that thought and inmediatly crouched down to check if I was right. 
The carpet looked all the same but if you checked closely there was a small peak at one corner.

- That's it - I said with a smile, or at least something that would had resembled one.
I started pulling and the carpet went up, I tossed the corner over to the side with moderate effort and to my content there was a squared trap with a small handler.